Time to Get Schooled: Clothing Swap 101

Oh, Springtime. The season of last minute tax freakouts, gross melting slush, NCAA gambling, college kids gone wild in Cancun, Guiness-induced blackouts, and Zombie Jesus is nearly upon us at last.

For fashionably impoverished ladies everywhere, it is also a fantastic time to clean out your closet and host or attend a clothing swap. That is why this week's post will feature my clothing swap survival guide.

Without further ado:  Clothing Swap 101

What the Fuck is a Clothing Swap?

The concept of a clothing swap is fairly simple and also purely genius: you and all your friends clean out your closets, dressers, bunkers, etc. and grab all the clothing, accessories, shoes, and other assorted items that you no longer want. Then you haul your unwanted goodies to an agreed upon location (generally someone's house) at an agreed upon time, to swap said items. It's a great way to get rid of clothes that no longer fit (or let's be honest, never really did), or that you are just over for whatever reason, and get a whole new fabulous, pre-loved wardrobe for freesies.

General Ground Rules



1. Get What You Give
If someone brings a tiny bag of clothes compared to everyone else, they should not be all apeshit about first dibs and grabbing shit left and right. It's just not fair. There doesn't need to be a 1:1 bring to swap ratio, but some common sense and decency is certainly in order. Take about the amount that you brought, and then if after the trying on, etc. there is a ton of stuff left, feel free to grab more.

2. Give It Up
Generally, first person to find an item has dibs on it. However, if you try something on that doesn't fit well or look that great on you, and someone else wants it and looks great in it, don't be an asshole. Give it to her.

3. Nobody Wants Your Granny Panties or Crusty Thong
I feel this rule is self-explanatory.

4. Backsies
Maybe you really were ready to get rid of that amazing LBD. That is, until you saw someone else in it. (It's kind of like seeing your ex with their new gf...) I think everyone is entitled to one take-back. Just don't make it a habit.

5. "Don't Mock the Clothes"- Carrie Bradshaw
For the those of us brave enough to take fashion risks, we are often hailed as trendsetters. Other times, we just look fucking crazy. So remember that we've all made some unfortunate style decisions in the past and keep your comments about that leopard print tube top to yourself. That is, of course, unless the owner of the item makes fun of it first. Then, feel free to mock appropriately.

Hints for Hosting



1. Your Guestlist Length Should Correspond to Your Venue Size
Don't invite a ton of bitches if you have a teeny tiny apartment. I've hosted quite a few very successful swaps with less than five ladies. But if you have a giant ass house, the more the merrier.

2. BYOB
Provide some F&B for your guests, but also ask everyone to bring a snack and/or (alcoholic) beverage to share. Also, it's good to have everyone bring at least one empty bag, box, or bin to put their finds in so there isn't any confusion about whose pile is whose.

3. Tell the BF to F Off (At least till everyone puts their clothes back on...)
As much as your boyfriend would love to be surrounded by shrieking, half-naked women, nobody wants him there.

4. Keep It Organized
I've hosted quite a few clothing swaps where everyone just poured their bag of stuff out onto the floor and then dug through a giant pile. While this method is kind of fun (especially after a few mimosas), it inevitably leads to utter chaos. The last couple swaps I've attended here in Minneapolis have been fanatically organized: shirts in one pile, skirts in another, pants in yet another and so on. Though it can make searching a little more like awkward clothes shopping without hangers and less like a motherfucking free-for-all, it is ultimately much more orderly and efficient.

5. Get Someone to Haul Away the Leftovers
If there are a bunch of unwanted clothes left over, and you don't want to deal with them, recruit someone(s) with a car to take them to Goodwill. Also, the upside of being the person who hauls the stuff away is you can try your luck selling the remaining goodies to a thrift store or clothing exchange and make some $$ before dumping the rejects at Goodwill or Salvation Army.  

Virtual Swapping

There are many reasons why a good old fashioned in-person clothing swap might not work for you. Perhaps you just moved to a new city, and you don't have any friends yet. Maybe your friends don't have the same good fashion sense as you. Or maybe, just maybe, you are a creepy shut-in.

Whatever the reason, don't despair. Thanks to the interwebs, you can swap your items without ever leaving the comfort of your couch or the glow of your laptop screen! My new BFF LearnVest recommended these online sites for swapping: SwapStyle.com, ClothingSwaps.com, DignSwap.com and RehashClothes.com.
I haven't tried any of these yet myself, so I can't vouch for how well this works, or how legit these sites are, but Swap Style looked the most legit to me upon cursory inspection. I am planning to do an online swap in the next few weeks, so I will let you know how it works out.

Give a Bitch a Compliment

Not to get all hippy magic kumbaya here at the end, but one of the things I love most about clothing swaps is the lady-bonding that happens. Trying on clothes in front of a bunch of your friends who will tell you when you look amazingly gorgeous, and also when you should put the sequined halter top back in the pile, is way better than standing in front of one of those trick-ass mall clothing store mirrors and examining your cellulite in the harsh fluorescent lighting.

There are so many ways women beat up on ourselves and compete with one another. I have always found that loud groups of giggling ladies swapping clothes can be an amazing antidote to cattyness and our own harsh inner-critics.

In conclusion, clothing swaps are a great way for the trendy-yet-destitute to shop without spending any money. You will feng shui the fuck out of your closet, get cute new stuff, and get to bond with other stylishly impoverished ladies. Win-motherfucking-win.

<3- hallee

P.S. I know I said last week that I was going to write about The Best Thing Ever in this post, but I've decided to do a special mini-post instead tomorrow or Friday.

More Grown-Up Stuff: Taxes for Freesies

I have been entertaining a charming emotional combination this week: laziness, misdirected anger, and irrational anxiety. I blame taxes.

Around this time every year, I go into a sort of tax-induced hysteria which generally follows the five stages of grief:

1. Denial
W-2s? Those are definitely going in the "don't want to deal with it" mail file (along with collection notices, myriad credit card offers, and letters from my alma mater asking for donations), which is strategically located in a disheveled pile underneath my bookshelf. Bam! Out of sight, out of mind, bitches!
2. Anger
Taxes?! Seriously?! I'm pretty sure I don't make enough money for this to actually fucking matter. Besides, didn't I already pay this shit all year? Why the fuck does the fucking government need me to tell them how much I paid? Don't my taxes pay for someone to do that shit for me?
3. Bargaining
Will you do my taxes for me? I'll bake you cookies...
4. Depression
I never get a big refund. With my luck, I'll probably end up owing. I'm just going to curl up into a ball on the couch and eat frozen pizza.
5. Acceptance
Well, I guess I'll do my taxes. It's better than jail, right? And if I get a refund, then I can go and buy a bunch of cute new clothes to help me cope with my post-tax stress disorder!

If you've finally reached the acceptance stage, and don't want to pay the assholes at H&R Block to take half of your tax return, I have a few helpful hints and resources for you:

1. Electronic Federal Return for Freesies

No matter what income level you're at, there are several websites that will let you electronically file your federal return for free. Personally, I like TurboTax and TaxAct. Both offer free federal editions, and are super user-friendly. This is important to me because an excess of numbers sometimes induces pea-colored vomit. 

One drawback of these sites is that they will constantly offer and/or try to scam you into upgrading to a "premium" edition for $14.95 or whatever $$ amount extra. Just ignore the pop-ups and move on.

The other drawback is that they will automatically guide you through doing your state return(s), but they will charge you to do the state returns. If you really prefer to just get it all done at once on one site, then go ahead and pay the extra $15 or whatever, but you might be able to electronically file your state taxes for freesies as well. (See below.)

If you do decide to try to file your state taxes for free, you will need to delete your state tax return(s) from whichever site you're using before you submit your federal return. This kind of freaked me out at first, but don't worry, it's totally do-able and as long as you are careful not to delete your federal return, it will work just fine.

Another option is to file both federal and state returns through your state website. Here is a list of states that have that option. New York does, and it offers free filing for those who meet income requirements.

 Unfortunately California and Minnesota are not on the list, so we have to be a little more creative.

2. Do your state taxes for freesies

 If your state is on the federal/state return list from above, you can ignore this, but here is some info for those of you who live in states that don't provide free federal and state filing:

If you meet certain income requirements, Turbo Tax offers free filing for the following states: AL, AR, AZ, GA, IA, ID, KY, MI, MN, MO, MS, NY, NC, ND, OK, OR, RI, SC, VT, WV.
California has two options: Ready Return and CalFile. Both are free, and most people will fit the requirements for one or the other. Either way, the website is very user-friendly, and it's easy to figure out which one to use and then fill it out.

Minnesota also offers a few options for free e-filing for qualifying individuals, one of which is the Turbo Tax site (above).

3. Get some expert help for freesies

If you have an especially complicated return this year, or you're just nervous about filing online without the guidance of an Actual Person, the IRS offers a nationwide Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program (VITA) for low- to moderate-income individuals (generally $49,000 or less.) The IRS certifies and trains these volunteers to help people do file their individual income taxes. Tax preparation sites are sorted by state on the IRS site.

4. If you really want to nerd out on your taxes...

Check out this Learn Vest tutorial. It's a fantastic, if slightly exhaustive, resource, and it's written in a conversational way so it doesn't make your head spin.

Anyway, I know that I am less likely to panic and procrastinate when I have some fucking clue where and how to start to tackle a problem. I hope this will help you avoid a tax-related meltdown this year.

Sorry for the lack of fashion in this post, but  if you save money on your taxes, you'll have more to spend on shopping. Plus, I promise next week will be fashion-y as fuck including Clothing Swap 101 and The Best Thing Ever.

How's that for a fucking teaser?

<3- hallee

Put on Your Grown-Up Pants

As many of you know, a couple months ago I got the fantastic news that I had landed a bonified grown-up job at the state capitol.

Upon receiving the wonderful news that I, arguably one of the biggest political science nerds on the planet, would be working in a state capitol, I did a few happy dances, jumped up and down, screamed like an 11-year-old girl at a Miley Cyrus concert, and generally acted-a-fool while my boyfriend alternated between beaming with pride and gaping in utter amazement at my dorkiness.

Then, the dread set in.

Shit. This was a real grown-up job, and I was going to have to dress like a real grown-up.

Previous to being laid off, I had been working from home, cultivating an impressive talent for working on spreadsheets and sending hundreds of professional, upbeat-sounding emails while sitting on my couch in yoga pants, listening to NPR, and intermittently snacking. Before that, I had been working for the same company doing pretty much the same thing, just in an office chair in San Francisco instead of my couch, and in jeans instead of yoga pants. My other resume items included the typical student-in-her-early-twenties staples: waitress, hair salon receptionist, and barista.

Needless to say, dressing like a grown-up was not something I had any inkling of how to do.

I get the whole standard corporate attire of pantsuits, pearls, and pumps, but wearing stuff like that makes me feel like a five-year-old who decided to raid her mom's closet during the 1990s and play dress up. That shit just doesn't look right on me. Also, I hate it.

 Ok. Those pumps are pretty cute...

The first thing I did (after drinking too many oatmeal stouts to celebrate my new-found jobbiness) was call my friend Jessie in a panic. Jessie has lots of experience talking me down from fashion ledges. She knows that I need to be talked to like a rabid hyena about to chew its own leg off.

"Here's what you need: 2-3 pairs of pants, 4-5 shirts, a pencil skirt, and a pair of black heels."

Thank goodness for Jessie. That sounded do-able, if still kind of daunting. She also told me that Nordstrom Rack was the place to go for shoes.

Anyway, here's some things I learned  from my first grown-up clothes shopping experience:

1. Buy the shoes first

Unfortunately, you might have to spend a little more than you want to and/or think is reasonable to spend on shoes. So if you're on a limited budget (which you probably fucking are if you're reading this blog), get those first. Then you'll see what you have to work with for the rest of your purchases. Plus, then you will have them to try on with stuff like pants and skirts, which is key for shorties like me.

I ended up taking Jessie's advice and getting these at Nordstrom Rack. They were like $50, but they're seriously worth every penny. They are pretty cute, and most importantly, VERY comfortable. I found another pair that was cuter and cheaper, but I could tell they were going to be very painful. Don't kid yourself about the pain factor. I know we all have at least one pair of incredibly cute shoes that makes us bleed and break out in blisters, but are so fabulous we wear them anyway. Taking your shoes off or limping around like an ostrich with broken ankles might be ok when you're blacked out drunk at 2am at a club with Lindsay Lohan, but it's definitely a grown-up job FAIL. Save cute but painful shoes for the weekend. 

2. H&M, though pricy, is kind of the shit

H&M has great button-ups for $10-$20, which is decent for a staple wardrobe item. Their pants and pencil skirts are also fan-fucking-tastic, and $30-$40, which is kind of pricy, but I think it's important to get at least one office appropriate pair of pants or a skirt that you really love. It makes dressing up for work more enjoyable.

3. Try not to look homeless 

I know that you can probably find some halfway decent shit at Goodwill or Savers as far as grown-up clothes go, but while I advocate shopping at low-end thrift shops like these for many things (see post on thrifting for spring trends), I do not recommend trying to find grown-up job clothes there. Most of it is going to be ill-fitting, from the early 1990s, in poor shape, or some horrid combination of the three. Best case scenario, you walk out with 2 or 3 passable items after spending the better part of your day digging. Worst case scenario, you talk yourself into buying a bunch of just ok shit because it's "good enough," and you are positive you won't be able to find anything else for a decent price. Just don't. Not worth it.

Instead, go to higher-end low-end thrift stores like Crossroads Trading Co. (in the Bay Area), Everyday People Clothing Exchange (in Minneapolis), and consignment stores like My Sister's Closet (also Minneapolis). You're more likely to find fashionable stuff in your size at places like these.

I got a great pair of pants at My Sister's Closet for $14, and decided to return one of the pairs of pants I got at H&M, effectively saving about $20.

If you have a car, or a kind friend with a car, I've also found that thrift stores in the 'burbs or more yuppified outlying neighborhoods can also be excellent for finding grown-up office job clothes because (a) the bitches who drop their clothes off there are rich and (b) the bitches who live in those neighborhoods don't really do much thrift shopping (see point a.), so you have less competition.

4. Work with what you have

After finding some great deals on pants, blazers and skirts, I still didn't really have any shirts. I got one button-up, an adorable J.Crew blouse and a cute white cotton cowl neck (all for less than $20 each), but that was simply not going to be enough. That's when I started frantically going through my dresser drawers and closet. To my surprise, I found that when layered under and/or paired with my new purchases, some of my everyday clothes started to look kinda grown-uppy. (See pics below.)

5. Make It Fit

If you are blessed with a supermodel figure, then you probably don't need to read this section. Also, fuck you.

However, if you are not "perfectly" proportioned, you're probably going to need to get some alterations done. Whether it's getting a bust adjustment on a dress or top, or getting your pants hemmed (which is ALWAYS the fucking case for my 5'2" ass), find a badass tailor in your neighborhood and get your shit altered. Because most grown-up clothing has a very tailored silhoutte, it's important that it fits you correctly.

In Oakland, I recommend Snow White Cleaners on Piedmont. In Minneapolis, Song Tailoring & Alterations in the Skyway at 811 Lasalle Ave. in Dowtown. Stacy Mc, one of the most fashionable ladies I know, rustled up these recommendations for tailors in the NYC area: M&N Cleaners (cheap and awesome),  Wilfred (for fancy dresses, etc, a bit more expensive but worth it.), and Campos & Campos.

6. Don't Deny Your Personality

The biggest mistake I've made when shopping for work-appropriate looks, is buying things I don't really like, but feel like "grown-up" me should wear. For example, personally, I am not a huge fan of the classic, collared, button-up shirt or pantsuits.

BORING! Except for the "come hither" look on her face. What's up with that?

Anyway, I bought a couple reasonably priced button-up shirts because that's what I thought grown-ups with office jobs were supposed to wear. Turns out, I've only worn each of them once or twice.

Instead, I've taken to pairing pieces I already owned: girly blouses with cardigans, or cowl neck sweaters and blazers.The lesson here? Don't buy stuff that makes you cringe. Sounds common-sensical, but it was difficult for me to reconcile my idea of what's fashionable with images of what successful women dress like.

I just cannot pull off a pantsuit...

I prefer to think of my work style as "the poor woman's Michelle Obama." Looking like a political diva without wearing a pantsuit.

Here are a few looks I've put together that I think are work-appropriate without making me want to vomit on myself and crawl out of my skin:

Monday

J. Crew blouse from Everyday People ($15), black pencil skirt from Target ($20)

Tuesday

Forever 21 blazer (free from clothing swap), gray t-shirt, and black Target pencil skirt (again)

Wednesday

Strapless black and white dress that I already had with Forever 21 blazer (again)

Thursday

Forever 21 blazer and scoop neck short sleeve sweater with H&M pants ($39.95)

Friday

J.Crew cardigan from Everyday People ($17), white scoop neck t-shirt (Macy's $19) with H&M pants (again)

Anyway, I think the key to dressing like a grown-up when you are a fashionably broke chick is to set a budget to buy a few key pieces, experiment and re-work outfits with the cute clothes you already have and love, and be yourself--just a more polished, grown-up, office-appropriate version of yourself.

Thanks for reading, and if you have any awesome grown-up outfit ideas, pics, or advice, please please send them my way: hallee.berg@gmail.com.

<3-hallee